Shame Talking
By: CaspHer
November 19, 2017
First of all, I hope everyone is having a cool and relaxed week and is in the mood to keep relaxing.
I’ve got some unveiling to do yet again and I’ve got lots of things on my mind. I am turning some of my deepest hidden journals into online blogging. Unfortunately, I will not turn all of what I have been hiding from the public into blogs. Certain things will remain hidden forever.
Questions for you:
• Are some of you the kind that call out unfair treatment when you discover it?
• Are you passionate about anything?
• Do you dare to make changes when you see they are needed?
• Do people try to shame talk you or someone you know into sitting back and letting others step all over you or them?
• Are you a minority?
• Are you or do you know someone with disabilities?
Well, this is certainly for you if you can relate to any of what I have asked.
Predators are normally the culprits behind the shame talking of their victims and trying to keep them from speaking out about the horrible things being said and done to them. Shame talkers are also bullies and come in many shades, shapes and sizes and are often found in congress offices. Shame talkers are found everywhere. The predators are often fixed on the seemingly vulnerable people but are usually in for a hurtful and traumatic surprise from their victims.
While dealing with the situation of shame talkers and shame talking, it is always beneficial to avoid and have avoidance skills. I have learned that if you ignore people who are not a part of your movement, you are better off. The more they are allowed to bother you, the longer they stick to you and all that you are doing. Watch them act like fools while you ignore them and keep going with your day. You may ignore them but also watch your six. A lot of the victims need to keep an eye and an ear out for the predators that slither into their lives through new avenues. By other avenues, I mean; people you know and the connections you have. Try not to have the predators and shame talkers be around you when you are making plans or on the phone. These social parasites may ruin any potential opportunity you may have, anything that may allow you to succeed in getting away from these predators.
Some of the triggering characteristics of the predator is that they like to be the only one talking and in control of all meetings and calling all of the shots. They love to insert themselves where they are certainly not wanted just as long as they can hear themselves talking.
The shame talking will begin almost instantly if you are someone of different background from theirs yet you seem successful in their area.
Example: I have no background in politics or congress but I started some powerful legislation and it seems to be doing well in Massachusetts. Someone who has been there for many years sees me doing well decides to haunt me each day to tell me that what I am doing is bad. It is bad that I am passionate about disability awareness training. Because I lack background in politics but still doing well, I am expected to fail and do miserably. I did not ask for his help, therefor any and all of what I do should not go well. Unfortunately, his perceptions of me with all of my disabilities and being a woman were drained instantly. I am a strong human being and could do just about anything anyone else without disabilities can do. He noticed publicity taking off about my bill that has not passed yet but he wanted to unhinge any and all good things.
THE BEGINNING:
Earlier this year after I came back from Minnesota in March of 2017, I decided to speak with my legislator about some new legislation. I figured since Massachusetts was the beginning of many great things, I believed Massachusetts would be a great foundation for my idea as well. I grew up in Massachusetts and lived in Minnesota for a while but New England seemed better fit for now. Despite the fact that Minnesota is awesome in their own way, this legislation idea had a better chance in Massachusetts due to its rich history and my familiarity with it. I’ve visited both state capitols in one month and they’re both amazing. I started some legislation in Minnesota but decided to put it on hold while I flew away to my home state Massachusetts, while I was there in the twin cities, I got connected with lots of wonderful people at the state capitol, we are still connected by the way. Once I got everything started, my state rep in Massachusetts assigned my idea for legislation a bill number. Between April and July, I had a few meetings at the state house as a constituent, I was seeing a lot of that building by June.
THE MIDDLE:
By June, I landed an opportunity at the Massachusetts State House with a cubical and a computer that was readily accessible to me due to my blindness. This opportunity opened up right after filing a complaint against a regional supervisor at the Massachusetts Commission for the Blind. Their staff member has an awful reputation for talking to women like they are sluts and bags of smelly trash, also has a hard time keeping his hands to himself. He believed that because he is blind that it was okay to open his mouth and release his toxic negativity into my direction. After he slandered Pine Manor College’s name by repeatedly blubbering, “Pine Mattress” I reported him to an agency above the commission for the blind. Feeling totally violated by an old blind predator, I restored myself by writing a letter to the agency having them promise to never let him into my meetings ever again, for as long as I am a resident of Massachusetts. I promised that if he ever uttered another word to me again, I would oust them to the media instantly. They made him send an apology letter saying he was sorry for what he said about Pine Manor and me. Did you really think someone like that is truly sorry? Not a cold day in hell would I have taken his pathetic tail seriously. That letter lives on a shelf near other books collecting dust just like him. He offends any and every person he comes across the moment he steps into a room and opens his mouth, which is part of his problem! He entered my meeting with all intensions of starting trouble with me but it ended differently. This meeting in June was intended to meet a new case worker and continue the summer, not get harassed and insulted by an older blind person. An interview was set up at the Massachusetts State House, during the interview, they asked me when could I start working with them, if I had time to start that day. Unfortunately I could not start working because I had a ride coming for me and I did not have an accessible computer ready. Days later, I was given a cubical and my computer was set up, I had my braille displays set up with a phone at my desk and all. After the official day of working and getting things in order, I had already blasted through a week’s worth of tasks and projects.
Baking hot July 7th came around and I found a letter in the mail from the House of Representatives of Massachusetts saying that my bill had been filed. To think that something that was once a simple word document on my personal computer became recognized and become legislation; I was stunned and couldn’t believe what I found. I’ve never done anything like that before but here I was standing in the office posing for a photo with my bill in hand. Later that day after the photo, I got to meet attorney general Healey in the halls of the house. In the middle of speaking to her briefly, her aide came and gave me his contact card to continue our talk which I did. When I returned, the shame talking started from the supervisor that overseen me and a few others. He saw that I was happy about my legislation and decided to slither into the moment of my deserved excitement and ruin the moment. He began to tell me that what I was doing was not good and that it was not going well. He compared the simple expression of excitement I gave to Kanye West which was absolutely foul and uncalled for. After that comparison, he was needing a snarky response which he got instantly. He was rude to me and I instantly gave him a dose of his own medicine without thinking twice, starting off with doing what I needed to do, getting my work done.
He realized that he was not getting any more reactions from me which lead to him focusing on bothering me for the rest of the week and the following weeks. He was often caught shoulder surfing at a distance to see what was going on in my computer. After I found that out, I turned my screen black while I could still use JAWS screen reader for the blind. He inquired about wanting to learn my technology and I simply ignored him, he never spoke of the blindness equipment I used again. All of the screens to anything I used around him were turned off and operated with braille displays and audio output with increased speed, I was fully aware of how paranoid it made him.
I found a copy of my bill ripped from the wall above my computer and he was the only person that could have done something like that. Everyone else was cool with my posting things on the wall near my computer even if I couldn’t see it but I felt the rip near the bottom of the page. I never removed the paper with the rip. I let it stay there so everyone else could see his jealousy against me on that piece of paper.
A few weeks later, state house news heard about my legislation and decided that they wanted have an in-office interview with me about the bill. I agreed to do the interview without informing the supervisor because this was not concerning him or the office at all. This bill was not connected to any of the projects I had been given to complete. All of my work was done and I did the interview without him around. He was the kind of person who always wanted to hear himself talking and be in control of anything that allowed another person to be noticed. I hated him a lot at the moment and even more as the days went on. Any of the days that he was not around was pretty good and I was allowed to feel somewhat comfortable, hoped he stayed away much longer. Any of the offices that called to speak to me, he needed to listen in on another phone nearby so I gave them my cell phone number in respect to our privacy.
As I left the building to go home, state house news came out with their cameras and took photos of me for their articles, I suspected he was lurking somewhere in preparation for a new day of intense shame talking to me any chance he got. As any other person would, I spoke to my mother about this predator and she and my friends agreed that he was indeed a “hater”; for sure. I was absolutely right about my first gut feelings when me and this shame talker crossed paths. He emitted the dusty aura of someone that liked to take advantage of seemingly vulnerable people.
If you suspect someone has a cloudy dusty aura, please go with your first gut feeling and keep them at bay if you can.
THE END:
August 15 came around and I was surprised by the House of Representatives and given a citation for all of the work I was doing. When I appeared at the office to go into my separate space, there were a group of women sitting around at a table. I left them to their conversation as it had nothing to do with me. One of them stopped and said, “Hey! You’re the woman I just saw on the newspaper downstairs” and she shook my hand as did the others. I kept my large citation nearby and headed home instead of staying the rest of the day. I figured I would ignore him some more and enjoy the much deserved excitement that I worked hard for. When someone is presented with a citation from their state house, that usually means they’ve been involved for years. I had only been there for a short period of time, already, I was getting praises and recognition. I received all of the attention that the shame talker wanted for himself.
I did not go home and party like it was 1999. I went home, put on my sweatpants and took a lovely nap on the recliner. My family was happy about my achievements as well as my friends. As the days went on, I noticed more news articles in the Boston area were posting my photos as well as the organizations that provided my ASL interpreter. The other Massachusetts government offices saw the articles and contacted me as well. During that time, the state house was on recess and so was I.
If you have any experiences similar to what I have, please feel free to share your stories. I would be more than happy to hear your experiences.
